Or should I rather say freckled.

Carrot Top (a.k.a. Scott Thompson) was out and about Santa Monica yesterday, when a group of passers by were treated to an eye full of buns, crack, fashion faux pa, eye liner, and carefully manicured eyebrows!

*

Fashion lesson for today, kiddies:

Make sure what’s on your feet, matches as closely as possible to what’s on your shoulders.

(Photo via: Dlisted)

How many fast & Furious movies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

*

Ah Hell, I don’t know, but we’ve got a fifth one in the making, and we can expect at least a portion of the old crew (Paul Walker and Vin Diesel) to be just as fast and pissed off as ever.

*

Let’s look at the top ten titles in consideration for the next installment:

10. 5 Fast 5 Furious (Perez Hilton)

9. Not Fast Just Furiously Economic – The Government Funded Edition

8. Fast & Furious: Bumper Car Mayhem – Brian and Dom take on the underground bumper car scene

7. Too Fast Too Many Tickets – With no license or car, the dynamic duo must go head to head against Lance Armstrong

6. Godzilla, Predator,  and Alien vs. The Fast and Furious – All Hell is about to break loose in downtown Tokyo… Buckle in for this ride!

5. Fst & Frius – The Next Generation

4. 5 – Let’s just cut the crap and get down to business!

3. He’s Fast She’s Furious- Brian settles down with a couple kids while racing the streets for diaper money. Mia just wants him to get a real freakin’ job!

2. She’s Too Fast He’s Furious – Mia takes to the streets as a prostitute and Brian must race the head pimp to set her free

1. Once Fast Now Just Grumpy as Hell – The team faces getting old. Eating bad Guacamole is about as fast as you’ll see the boys run these days…

Mel Gibson has been laying low since his 2007 incident at California State University (CSU Northridge).

*

If you remember, he was challenged by the Associate Professor of Central American Studies about his film, Apocalypo. She stated that it portrayed Mayan life as violent, which was racist, according to her account. After a few back and forth jibs at each other, Mel told her very politely, “Lady, Fu#@ off!”

*

In a recent interview with Dean Richards on WGN, Mel (this time) is pushed about his past discrepancies with the law. “Do you feel like you are a different person, maybe a better person than you were five years ago,” asked Dean, to which Mel shrugs off the first few grenades with a smile and explanation on how “time teaches”.

*

Dean continues, asking if he thought the public perceived him any differently after his past discrepancies (drinking problems, etc), to which Mel reminds him it’s been “almost four years ago, dude—I’ve done all the necessary Mea Culpa’s, so…uh, let’s move on dude, come on.”

*

Dean then finally gets the message, realizing he’s overplayed his hand:

Dean: “(Well) it’s good to see you back in the saddle and doing what you do best, thanks a lot for joining us Mel… take care.”

Mel: “Bye, bye… (brief pause) A$$hole”

Watch it here:

Photo via: StupidCelebrities.net

Tabloids have been sploshing around the news that Colonelina (formerly known as Brangelina, before the Colonel Sanders beard) maybe on the rocks (or some burned fragments of fried chicken).

A spokes-folk insider for the dynamic duo has exclaimed, poppycock, telling PopCrunch that Brad and Angelina are just fine.

In fact, they are more than fine. They are currently in the throes of color coordinating each others outfits for the upcoming debut at the Oscar’s in March. Is that not cute?

Yeah, that ought to shut those naysayers up…

Brad tooling into the awards with that heinous beard, some ridiculously colored bow-tie, and that deer caught in headlights expression on his face!

When was the last time you had this much fun on a roller coaster?

Stage: 1

The first stage is when the fear first strikes you.
This is characterized by the “oh, sh**” expression on your face…

Stage: 2

The second stage is pure denial.
“Come on, hold it in… just hold it in…
I can spit it out later when nobody’s looking and still look cool.”

Stage: 3

The third stage is recognized by the appearance of auditioning for the Looney Toones???

Stage: 4

The fourth stage looks a lot like a deer caught in headlights.
This is always the prelude to the fifth and final stage…

You sh** your pants, and it glues you to the seat!

According to TMZ the battle for late night time spots has pretty much run its course.

*

You have Conan O’Brian who has been contracted for several years to take over the 11:35 PM Tonight Show, and he has done a bang up job of it. Then you have Jay Leno, who left The Tonight Show, only to start up his own Show at 10:00 PM. Well, Leno’s Show has not performed up to par for the affiliates, so NBC wants him back at his old time slot. Then Conan would get set back to 12 AM and Jimmy Fallon to 1 AM.

*

Conan refused the arrangement, stating:

“So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more…”

So the story so far is… Conan is out, Leno is back in, Jimmy is, well, Jimmy… the Fox Network has already began building a set for Conan, and the rest of us are still pounding away at our 9 to 5’s, wishing somebody would give us millions of dollars for the difference of a half hour!

*

So, who are you routing for?

Leno to get the shaft… Conan to get the shaft… or damn them both, and throw Adam Sandler in as a pinch talker?

She moves, she talks, and she… $%^@#!

*

Showcased this Saturday at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo was, Roxxxy. She is a sophisticated sex doll that interacts with her, um… user’s. She is run from an artificial intelligence program that allows her to listen, speak, sleep, move, and interact using any of her five multiple personalities. There’s Wild Wendy, Mature Martha, S&M Susan, and, well, you get the point. She is fully customizable (hair, skin, and bra size), comes with her own laptop, and guarantees future software upgrades over her lifetime.

*

If we were to take a survey of men who buy sex dolls, there would be three fundamental reasons why they have invested in a cyber-skin lover, rather than the real thing. Either they…

A.) Can’t get a real girlfriend, so they shell out the $19.99 (or in this case $9,000)

B.) They have a girlfriend, are horrible in the sack, never get any, so they shell out the $19.99-plus

C.) Have strange needs that no real person would ever want to do, so they shell out the $19.99-plus

The maker of Roxxxy, however, has their eye on more than just a love doll. They are actually hell-bent on bringing a robot into every home in America. Not to $%^@… mind you, but rather as a form of a companion. The doll was originally built as a healthcare aide for the elderly, but due to all the bureaucratic red tape and regulations they were confronted with, they decided to make her a love doll instead.

*

Just what every 30-something still living at home dreams of…

*

The only problem is…

It costs $7,000 to $9,000.

*

Now maybe they’ll finally have good reason to get off their duff and get a job!

Hallelujah!

[Photo via: The Huffington Post]

While most families were busy roasting chestnuts by an open fire, singing carols to the local orphanage, and watching reruns of The Christmas Story for the 116th time, Charlie Sheen was busy sitting in jail for being his usual prick self we have come to expect (assaulting wife, Brooke Mueller).

The story goes… a drunk Mueller became jealous of Sheen for sharing a song with his daughter. She threatened to divorce him, Sheen became unglued, straddled her against the bed, put a knife to her throat, and proceeded to tell her:

“You better be in fear. If you tell anybody, I’ll kill you. I have ex-police I can hire who know how to get the job done and they won’t leave any trace.”

Mueller called 911 and the police were soon at the scene.

Police arrived at the rented residence, finding Mueller in the bedroom and Sheen in the Kitchen. While denying using a knife in a threatening manner to his wife, police found Sheen’s blade in the open position inside a nearby bag he appeared to be packing (probably trying to leave before police got there). A few conspicuous red marks on Muellers neck proved more than enough cause to bring Sheen in under assault charges.

While Brooke Mueller has changed her story since the original 911 call, Aspen police are sticking to her original, with plans on moving forward with a hearing on February 8th, 2010. If you are thinking this story sounds a little like déjà vu, you’re right. Sheen had a similar run-in several years ago with ex-wife, Denise Richards, just a few days after Christmas. What a prick!

With all the negative commentary towards Jessica Simpson’s weight problems as of lately, it’s nice to see that she’s at least getting some action. Can’t say too much for the company, however, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Star Magazine shot off a cover story this week, claiming that Tiger Woods and Jessica Simpson may have knocked a hole in one, and not while standing on a golf course. Maybe lying down next to one at 12 AM, but we’re not even going there…

The story goes, Jessica was tagging along with her now, ex-boyfriend, Tony Romo, during a few rounds with Tiger for charity. Tony blew Jessica off during most of the shindig, so to make him jealous (or something like that), she flirted up a storm and ended up with a smiley face next to her name in Tiger’s little black book.

Whether or not this is actually true, we don’t know, but it beats printing more stories about Jon Gosselin.

…

Photo via: Star Magazine

For a 20 year old woman to date a 40 year old man, it is not such a big deal. But swap genders, and suddenly you have a recipe for sharp whispers, long stares, and ‘pukey’ faces as the couple sits in the back corner of a bar, snogging each other like lost puppies with a t-bone strapped to their forehead.

That’s not the way it is supposed to be. Didn’t we grow up with the star quarterback finding his cheerleader in chemistry class? He’d drop a toad down her blouse, she’d burn a hole in his letterman’s jacket with the Bunsen burner, and the two would fall in love, marry, and make many beautiful babies.

Guess not! Not in Hollywood anyways…

Top 10 Celebrity “Cougars”
1. Kim Cattrall (52), Alan Wyse (28)- 24 years, get out the baby wipes
2. Joan Collins (75), Percy Gibson (43)- 22 years,
3. Mary Tyler Moore (72), Dr. Robert Levin (55)- 17 years
4. Demi Moore (46), Ashton Kutcher (31)- 15 years
5. Samantha Jones (52), Jason Lewis (38)- 14 years
6. Susan Sarandon (62), Tim Robbins (50)- 12 years
7. Madonna (50), Guy Ritchie (40)- 10 years
8. Halle Berry (42), Gabriel Aubry (32)- 10 years
9. Cameron Diaz (37), Justin Timberlake (28)- 9 years
10. Jennifer Aniston (40), John Mayer (31)- 9 years, we love you Jennifer!

What The Hell is a Cougar?
A cougar is a woman (35 or older) who has chosen a sexual partner who is at least eight years her junior. Another rule of thumb is to take half the cougars age, then add 7 years onto it. If he is younger than the result, she probably caries pacifiers and candy with her when she goes out to the local bars.

The “cougar” word itself translates to the tight-fitting, animal prints they supposedly wear. It also signifies the crouched leaping motion they make each time a younger man walks within 5 yards of their walking stick.

Don’t Bring One Home to Mama!
Considering the age similarity of a cougar to her lovers own mother, you can be damn sure she will see her as competition for a starring role in her son’s life. She will not express this, but instead choose her words more carefully, such as, Isn’t she a little too old or Don’t you want to have children someday?.

The father will just stay out of it, realizing the comment, “I’d do her,” would probably not add much validity to the argument.

What About those Rich, Old Dudes?
In a 2003 pole of single women over age 40, it was found that 34 percent were dating men up to 30+ years younger. According to an AARP study, one of the biggest complaints of women dating men their own age, is that they have too much excess relationship baggage.

Many cougars accuse men their age of being stuck in their glory days, wearing the same football jersey, listening to the same old music, and perhaps even wearing the same damn underwear since 1968. Women are very different from men this way. They like to keep up on the latest fashions, embrace the new.

We Love You
But hey, whether you like to dig them straight out of the ground or wait around at the maternity wards of hospitals with a basket, we here at Celebulicio support you, hook, line, and grappling claw!