Everybody has got a sex tape these days, especially if you are a dwindling D-lister looking for that one last glimmer in the spotlight.

Via the National Enqurier:

Jon’s bodyguard Thomas Meinelt has been subpoenaed to testify in TLC’s lawsuit against Jon, and The ENQUIRER has learned Meinelt claims he saw Jon snort cocaine many times, and that he’s watched Jon’s secret sex tape!
“Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he’s seen the tape!” said Stephanie Santoro, Jon’s former flame and family nanny.
“Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him.

Here’s a sneak peek of some of the goods you’ll be in store for.
Start the Barry White “Love Theme” Music here…

But don’t you worry kids. Jon is already in the track to self righteousness…
or I should rather say, self parody: