It’s time to roll out that red carpet and play “Name that Celebrity.”

There have been a lot of celebs that have embarrassed themselves over the years, and quite frankly it has been difficult to keep up with all the scandals and allegations. So difficult, we have developed a little game to test your knowledge of these bad boys and girls of Hollywood. Depending on your personal view of celebrity gossip, the best score may either be low or high.

Grade and award with smiley faces accordingly…

1. Which celebrity has had a hard time keeping her hairless “kitty” in her underpants… Or should I rather say lack of?

A. Paris Hilton

B. Britney Spears

C. Lindsay Lohan

D. All the above!

2. This dust-farting, aging hunk of yesteryear, dropped his towel in front of a masseuse during his second honeymoon; bringing the indication of an almost certain third one in the making…

A. Clint Eastwood

B. Kevin Costner

C. Wesley Snipes

D. Ozzy Osborne

3. Which male celebrity, expressed his disappointments in sex with Mandy Moore as not being, quote: “like warm apple pie?”

A. Bam Margera

B. Zach Braff

C. Howard Stern

D. Wilmer Valderrama
4. This celebrity best friend trio has brought speculations of more than just bongo’s being banged behind their closet doors. Name this famous Hollywood trio?

A. Lance Bass, Neil Patrick Harris, and Ryan Seacrest

B. Lance Armstrong, Mathew McConaughey and Jake Gyllenhaal

C. Michael Scott, Steve Carell, and Jim Carey

D. Leonardo DiCaprio, Clay Aiken, and T.R. Knight

5. Which music celebrity was quoted a few years ago, as putting out a purposeful crap album so that, “when I come out with my real s***, people are blown away?”

A. R. Kelly

B. Paris Hilton

C. Kevin Federline

D. Kanye West

Answer Key:

1. Answer: D

It is truly amazing the loss of appetite a few strokes of a blunt razor can promote.

2. Answer: B

Was it the irritable bowel in Kevin’s towel, or was that masseuse just not happy to see him…

3. Answer: D

Mandy Moore is probably really starting to regret this quote taken several months before Wilmer’s interview with Howard Stern: “I think people make him (Wilmer) out to be this crazy ladies’ man… but he’s such a gentleman.” Yes, Mandy… he is indeed.

4. Answer: B

Lance, Matt and Jake may deny the accusations, but those toothsome grins tell a different story!

5. Answer: C

There could be no other idiot stupid enough to quote himself as being an even bigger idiot than we already thought he was! Oh yeah, and Kevin… We’re still waiting for than album!

Everyone’s favorite Hollywood tramp Lindsay Lohan could be facing jail time for violating the terms of her probation. She allegedly hasn’t followed a judge’s orders to attend an alcohol education class once every seven days as part of her second DUI conviction.

Lohan’s attorney commented

“Though there have been occasional weeks when Lindsay has missed her alcohol treatment class, she has always managed to make up the class the following week by attending two classes. For this reason, we contend that Ms. Lohan is in substantial compliance with the conditions of her probation.”

Lohan has recently made the news for a photo of her wearing a black dress and placing the gun on her lips with celeb photographer Tyler Shields.

Now, that’s a mugshot only a mother could love.

*

Rip Torn (Larry Sander’s Show, Men in Black), was picked up by the Connecticut finest earlier this month after crashing through the window of a bank with a firearm in his possession. According to reports, Torn thought he was breaking into his own home, after discovering his front door key was not fitting into the lock.

*

The police swarmed the building expecting an exchange of bullets with a pack of desperate criminals, but were surprised to find the bumbling, drunk Torn staggering around, probably bitching about where the maid put all his sh**. He spent the weekend in jail ($100,000 bail), but is expected to appear in court in the coming months under burglary and trespassing charges.

*

It has been over two years since he was picked up for wandering around the streets, drunk, with a Christmas tree strapped to his dented and deranged Subaru.

*

Would somebody please get this man some help!

*

(Photo via the New York Post)

Stage: 1

The first stage is when the fear first strikes you.
This is characterized by the “oh, sh**” expression on your face…

Stage: 2

The second stage is pure denial.
“Come on, hold it in… just hold it in…
I can spit it out later when nobody’s looking and still look cool.”

Stage: 3

The third stage is recognized by the appearance of auditioning for the Looney Toones???

Stage: 4

The fourth stage looks a lot like a deer caught in headlights.
This is always the prelude to the fifth and final stage…

You sh** your pants, and it glues you to the seat!

According to TMZ the battle for late night time spots has pretty much run its course.

*

You have Conan O’Brian who has been contracted for several years to take over the 11:35 PM Tonight Show, and he has done a bang up job of it. Then you have Jay Leno, who left The Tonight Show, only to start up his own Show at 10:00 PM. Well, Leno’s Show has not performed up to par for the affiliates, so NBC wants him back at his old time slot. Then Conan would get set back to 12 AM and Jimmy Fallon to 1 AM.

*

Conan refused the arrangement, stating:

“So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more…”

So the story so far is… Conan is out, Leno is back in, Jimmy is, well, Jimmy… the Fox Network has already began building a set for Conan, and the rest of us are still pounding away at our 9 to 5’s, wishing somebody would give us millions of dollars for the difference of a half hour!

*

So, who are you routing for?

Leno to get the shaft… Conan to get the shaft… or damn them both, and throw Adam Sandler in as a pinch talker?

With all the negative commentary towards Jessica Simpson’s weight problems as of lately, it’s nice to see that she’s at least getting some action. Can’t say too much for the company, however, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Star Magazine shot off a cover story this week, claiming that Tiger Woods and Jessica Simpson may have knocked a hole in one, and not while standing on a golf course. Maybe lying down next to one at 12 AM, but we’re not even going there…

The story goes, Jessica was tagging along with her now, ex-boyfriend, Tony Romo, during a few rounds with Tiger for charity. Tony blew Jessica off during most of the shindig, so to make him jealous (or something like that), she flirted up a storm and ended up with a smiley face next to her name in Tiger’s little black book.

Whether or not this is actually true, we don’t know, but it beats printing more stories about Jon Gosselin.

…

Photo via: Star Magazine

Okay, probably not exactly the photos you were looking for. But they are pre-sex photos.

Ashton and Demi have been getting freaky in separate rooms (while in the same house) on Twitter, by writing messages on their body. Yeah, sure they could have just sent a quick I.M…

But then it wouldn’t have been so damn cute!

Hey guys,

Bruce says:

Photos via Celebitchy

Via the National Enqurier:

Jon’s bodyguard Thomas Meinelt has been subpoenaed to testify in TLC’s lawsuit against Jon, and The ENQUIRER has learned Meinelt claims he saw Jon snort cocaine many times, and that he’s watched Jon’s secret sex tape!
“Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he’s seen the tape!” said Stephanie Santoro, Jon’s former flame and family nanny.
“Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him.

Here’s a sneak peek of some of the goods you’ll be in store for.
Start the Barry White “Love Theme” Music here…

But don’t you worry kids. Jon is already in the track to self righteousness…
or I should rather say, self parody:

David Letterman has been through the wringer since he admitted to sexual relations with members of his staff last week. The following Monday saw his ratings skyrocket (5.7 million), as viewers tuned in to see how the comedian was going to apologize to his wife, staff, and audience members. Was he going to make a serious, heartfelt apology, break down and cry, blubbering all over Paul and his keyboard, or make a joke of the whole thing?

He followed suite with a little bit of all of the above, excluding the blubbering over Paul. What stands to come next is a bit of a mystery. Will his ratings tapper off, remain normal, or will his popularity continue to skyrocket. All we know, is he’s admitted to having his work cut out for him in apologizing to his wife Regina. With that, I’ll leave Dave with just a few suggested one-liners on how to break the ice, before doing some serious apologizing:

10. “How about those Mets?”
9. “You’re mad, aren’t you?”
8. “What can I say, the show really needed a rating boost.”
7. “She said she needed a ride… I gave her a few bonus miles.”
6. “What… and you don’t have any flaws?”
5. “So, you were serious about the being faithful part.”
4. “I’m a sex-o-holic and I need help… they helped me.”
3. “I’ve got two words for you, Bill Clinton.”
2. “I was only trying to help their career.”
1. “Damn, where’s Kanye West when you really need him!”

[Photo via CBS]

…unless perhaps you’ve a batch of blond, moderately saggy rear-ends to offer!

MSNBC reports that the former reality star wants no less than $30,000 per appearance. He’ll crash birthdays, pool parties, bar-mitzvahs, weddings… you name it!

Jon may not be selling himself out cheap these days, but he promises to show up, drink your booze, eat your food, and hit on your women! Unfortunately, as rumors go, business has been a bit slow, and he has been forced to call around looking for his own gigs.

“He wanted more than $30,000 dollars to show up for just a couple hours,” said one publicist who was forced to deal with Jon. “The funny part was, we didn’t even reach out to him—He called us asking to come.”

What a Maroon!

[Photos via: thefablife and poponthepop]