How many fast & Furious movies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

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Ah Hell, I don’t know, but we’ve got a fifth one in the making, and we can expect at least a portion of the old crew (Paul Walker and Vin Diesel) to be just as fast and pissed off as ever.

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Let’s look at the top ten titles in consideration for the next installment:

10. 5 Fast 5 Furious (Perez Hilton)

9. Not Fast Just Furiously Economic – The Government Funded Edition

8. Fast & Furious: Bumper Car Mayhem – Brian and Dom take on the underground bumper car scene

7. Too Fast Too Many Tickets – With no license or car, the dynamic duo must go head to head against Lance Armstrong

6. Godzilla, Predator,  and Alien vs. The Fast and Furious – All Hell is about to break loose in downtown Tokyo… Buckle in for this ride!

5. Fst & Frius – The Next Generation

4. 5 – Let’s just cut the crap and get down to business!

3. He’s Fast She’s Furious- Brian settles down with a couple kids while racing the streets for diaper money. Mia just wants him to get a real freakin’ job!

2. She’s Too Fast He’s Furious – Mia takes to the streets as a prostitute and Brian must race the head pimp to set her free

1. Once Fast Now Just Grumpy as Hell – The team faces getting old. Eating bad Guacamole is about as fast as you’ll see the boys run these days…

Here are the top ten stupid things that have been said during the 2009 search for Colton Harris-Moore:

10. “So what? Attila the Hun may have had a high IQ.”
—Yeah Sheriff, and at one time you’re mamma may have been skinny. What’s your point?

9. “Honey, did you spend $3,700 on a laptop, bear pepper spray… and a plane manual?”
—Okay, I’m just kind guessing on this one.

8. “We’re forced to play by the rules and he doesn’t play by the rules.”
—Oh, I see the problem now… he’s just not playing fair.

7. “We haven’t caught him, but neither has anybody else…”
—What the Hell is this supposed to mean. We know we’re losers, but so is everybody else who’s been looking for him, so I guess that makes it okay!

6. “You always get caught eventually.”
—Boy howdy, that’s a confidence builder. Everybody eventually dies too!

5. “If he was smart, he would leave the island and go to Phoenix or go to New York.”
—That’s County Commissioner language for, Get the hell out of here, you’re making us all look like a bunch of damn fools!

4. “He virtually vaporized in front of me.”
—This deputy has spent a few too many times at the Star Trek Convention. You can blame it on the donuts, but vaporization… come on!

3. “I’m proud of him. I was going to send him to flight school. I guess I don’t have to.”
—Mrs. Kohler (mother to Colton) was up for the Mother of the Year award with this quote. That is, until this next two beat it out.

2. “I figure I’ll spend my time with him (my son) in a positive way, because who knows if he’ll be shot tomorrow?”
—That Mother Kohler sure knows how to bring a tear to the crowd.

And the number one stupid quote to come out of the Colton Harris-Moore “Barefoot Burglar” Case…

1. “I hope to hell he stole those airplanes—I would be so proud.”
—Yeah, that’s the day a mother can only dream of, I’m sure!

David Letterman has been through the wringer since he admitted to sexual relations with members of his staff last week. The following Monday saw his ratings skyrocket (5.7 million), as viewers tuned in to see how the comedian was going to apologize to his wife, staff, and audience members. Was he going to make a serious, heartfelt apology, break down and cry, blubbering all over Paul and his keyboard, or make a joke of the whole thing?

He followed suite with a little bit of all of the above, excluding the blubbering over Paul. What stands to come next is a bit of a mystery. Will his ratings tapper off, remain normal, or will his popularity continue to skyrocket. All we know, is he’s admitted to having his work cut out for him in apologizing to his wife Regina. With that, I’ll leave Dave with just a few suggested one-liners on how to break the ice, before doing some serious apologizing:

10. “How about those Mets?”
9. “You’re mad, aren’t you?”
8. “What can I say, the show really needed a rating boost.”
7. “She said she needed a ride… I gave her a few bonus miles.”
6. “What… and you don’t have any flaws?”
5. “So, you were serious about the being faithful part.”
4. “I’m a sex-o-holic and I need help… they helped me.”
3. “I’ve got two words for you, Bill Clinton.”
2. “I was only trying to help their career.”
1. “Damn, where’s Kanye West when you really need him!”

[Photo via CBS]